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Diary of a fat pig

  • May. 8th, 2008 at 2:22 PM
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 I want anorexia. I want to look in the mirror each day and tell myself I am a fat loser and actually see results from it. I don't want to be ashamed to take my shirt off. I want women to show in interest in me, since they never do because I look like myself. I just don't think I have the willpower to stop eating. I love food, but I hate what it does to me, I hate that I ALWAYS feel hungry if my stomach isn't full. My body is supposed to be helping me, but it just wants more and more food. Well fuck you body. I am going to starve myself. And for the naysayers who tell me that my body will just hold onto every calorie it can get, I will just exercise without eating. Just burn those calories and not replace them.

Because I really am fat. And I am tired of being so much of a loser who can't ever, and I mean ever, get a date. I don't want to be shunted into the friend-zone the instant I meet a girl because of my looks, the shallow bitches that they are. If I were rich then they couldn't keep their hands off of me, no matter the fat, but since I am not, losing weight is easier than gaining money. I want to be the weight I should be, not 100 pounds fatter.

So no I will go into the bathroom and tell myself that I am a fat disgusting poor loser with no chance of ever having a woman look at me as more than a friend. And I will smile, because I am doing something right.

Third Wheel Syndrome

  • Apr. 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 PM
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Well crap. I was so happy for Kyle getting a girl I completely forgot that that now makes me a pathetic third wheel. The dynamic has changed to the classic 'guy and his girl and his friend'. This sucks. So now I am going to have to make myself scarce in my own home so as to avoid being the annoying hang-arounder that third wheels are. It's not that I don't like Lindsay, I think she is great, but now I am going to have to avoid them whenever she is around.

Isn't that just the thing? Unless I get myself someone, I am pretty much not needed/wanted, so my choice is go into hiding or be desparate and find anyone willing to put up with me. No thank you. Not how I intend to find someone. So I guess it's a-hiding I will go. 

YAY KYLE!

  • Apr. 23rd, 2008 at 12:23 AM
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His appeal went in and was accepted by the court of Lindsay. So now my friend has an official relationship, as opposed to the quagmire he has been in the last 4 months. Good for you buddy, I hope this all works out great. She is a wonderful and beautiful girl, and you two be happy.

Now I just need to find myself someone. I cannot live vicariously through him, that is just pathetic.

Adventures in Asshattery

  • Apr. 21st, 2008 at 10:35 AM
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I need to help my friend Kyle more, he is pretty lonely and is in sore need of companionship. There is a girl in his life, one who I am damned sure likes him as more than a friend, but seems to be incredibly hesitent to speak up. The big problem with Kyle though, is his size. He's a large man, and I know that gets to him, because everyone judges others based on their looks. Everyone. No one can truely deny it. Thing is, this girl sees him all the time, and she doesn't care about how large he is. Which should make him feel better, more confident, right?

Except he isn't. Well, he's full of bravado, and can be an arrogant SOB, but real confidence eludes him. He'd hit me for saying that, but it's true. I just want what is good for him. We just got a place off campus together, and we setting it up pretty good, but we are still missing the one thing that will make our lives....well, complete. Companionship.

I don't know, maybe I think that if I can get someone for him, then karma will rub off and I can find someone for me. Selfish eh? I see so much of myself in Kyle, well except I am not a big and I don't have half the arrogance he does. But I can empathize what he is feeling, I am in the same situation, except I don't have someone who is interested in me.

Kyle, just kiss her already. She won't object, and you life will be improved by it. Unless you get married, then you are screwed.

Sick...so sick

  • Apr. 11th, 2008 at 11:38 AM
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These last 4 days have been crap, I feel like I have the plague. I blame my friend Kati, she is the plague carrier. What makes it worse is that I still have to go to work, which is not conducive to recovery. I am a very tired Hasting's employee.

And as an added bonus, I snapped the key off in the safe last night, warranting a call to the locksmith so that the store can open tomorrow. Yay Jared! Good Job!

Uggg....moving sucks

  • Apr. 7th, 2008 at 1:04 AM
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Yawn....I just spent much of the day moving my friends Molly and Corey into their new apartment. NOT how I wanted to spend my day off. Ahh well, it was some sorely needed exercise, and I helped Molly from having a panic attack. It's just that I always seem to be moving. I never had a very stable homelife. Not that it was bad, but I have had to move nearly a dozen times when I lived with my mom, and I have nearly done another dozen AFTER I left the nest.

I guess I am just a professional mover....which sucks btw. Comes with being a big strong guy. Not to mention good looking and charming and nice :P

Need a drink, maybe some Glenfidditch. Needs me some Irish.

Is there such thing as "The One"?

  • Apr. 6th, 2008 at 10:18 AM
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My friends are dumb, in my opinion. Well, some of them are. There is one thing we all have in common, and that is that we all believe in love, we all want love, want the love. But some of them also believe in "The ONE". The one person in all the world made for you. Your soulmate. Kismet. Bullshit. I look at how many people there are in the world and am staggered that there are still people who think that there is ONE and ONLY ONE person for you on this planet. If that were true, then there would be almost no chance of you finding them in your lifetime.

No, I think that there are many possible loves for each of us out there, but that we have to meet them first, then there has to be that minor miracle of being attracted to them at the same time they are attracted to you and figuring it out at the same time (Harder than you think). Then comes the work, lots and lots of work to keep a relationship running. True love isn't a cakewalk, and I am tired of seeing books and movie corrupt people into thinking it is. People think that all you need is love, that love will solve every problem. Well considering the number one cause of divorce amongst young people isn't a lack of love, but rather money and emotional maturity, I would say that there might be some problems that love can't solve.

Now, I'm not a grumpy, lonely guy bitching because he doesn't have anyone. Well, I am, but that's not really it. I feel ready(hell I have felt ready for years) for a relationship. I want to find someone who interests me, and I interest them back. I want to find the person I will still be with 50 years on down the road. I want love returned. I just know that the love of your life can be anyone, just as long as you both work towards it.

I am a baaaaaaaad student

  • Apr. 3rd, 2008 at 2:55 PM
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So here I am, AGAIN skipping my Japanese class. Why am I doing this? So I can rest for work today and so I can catch up on the Netflix I rented so I can turn them in. Yeesh. I came back from my trip to Portland filled with fresh hope for my academic career....and I of course smack myself down. Ah well, it's not sooo bad. I am glad that I at least have a job, some aren't that lucky. I just was really tired from my yoga and fencing today, and my roomate is sick and wasn't going to class, so I said screw it. I did do my astronomy test today, so I accomplished something!